Let Me Love You
by Marauder's Daughter
Summary: PreHBP. As the inevitable war approaches, Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin find themselves in a different battlefield where honest words are the weapons of choice. RLNT.


_Author's Note: Interpretation of the event that resulted in Tonks' drastic change in appearance in HBP._

_These characters and their world belong to the unsurpassable J.K. Rowling._

_---_

"Tonks, is this _really the moment_?" Lupin asked testily.

She had grabbed his arm from behind and wrenched him around to face her. They stood glowering at each other on an empty street only a few blocks away from Number 12, Grimmauld Place.

She had accompanied him out after a dismal meeting, where news of Greyback's increasing attacks on young children had made him feel more disheartened than he had felt in weeks. He dreaded her confrontations, secretly knowing he longed to accept her despite all the odds. There were always odds, and tonight he was too tired to face them.

"It's now more than ever! You've heard it as much as I have, meeting after meeting when there's barely an ounce of good news to go around. The whole world is poised to crash down around our ears and you're still convinced that you're the most dangerous thing that could happen to me. Well, I'm not buying it Remus. You know the sort of life I lead - hunting dark wizards when half of my family are Death Eaters; conspiring against the Ministry through an underground Order; protecting You-Know-Who's prime target, and not to mention a fanatical aunt who wouldn't hesitate for a second to strike me dead only because of my blood. Do you really think a werewolf will be the one to finish me off - especially one that I love?"

Lupin's face had gone white at her last few words, "Don't - don't say that Nymphadora..." A horribly grotesque image had flashed across his mind, the same one that haunted his dreams every night after the full moon.

"What? _Finish me off_? Well it's true Remus, there's a war going on here."

"_Yes_," he said exasperatedly, "But that doesn't mean -" He struggled to pull himself together, "that doesn't mean you have to gravitate to all that is dangerous. It's foolish."

"It is _not_ foolish! You allowed yourself to be around Sirius and James - you trusted that you would never harm them when you were -"

"I didn't trust myself!" he protested, "I've never-"

"BUT YOU LET THEM _LOVE_ YOU - DIDN'T YOU? YOU LET THEM CARE! WHY CAN'T YOU DO THE SAME FOR ME?"

Her hair had progressively changed from it's usual bubblegum pink into an alarming deep red, but Lupin could see from the lamplight that she was very close to tears. To think that he was the reason for her grief made his voice crack with the anguish that threatened to swallow his heart whole, "Dora... I love you, but I can't - I just can't..." His arms hung limply at his sides from sagging shoulders. He had never felt so helpless in his life.

Tonks had covered her face with her hands, her small frame shaking with excess emotion. Then quite unexpectedly her hair turned a most depressing shade of the darkest blue and she let out a dry sob, flinging her wand arm out into the deserted street. There was a loud bang, and the purple Knight Bus screeched around the corner to a stop in front of them.

"Tonks, wait!" Lupin reached out for her, limbs suddenly springing to life, but she had already pushed aside a bewildered Stan Shunpike and boarded the double decker.

"Oi! Right then sir, is you gettin' on?"

Almost as quickly as it had come, the energy had drained out of Lupin, and he shook his head sadly, "No... no I won't."

He began to walk down the sidewalk, turning up his collar against the cold night air. As he did so, he felt the familiar threadbare softness between his fingers, and sighed wearily. _Too poor, too old, too dangerous_. The same arguments swarmed in his head in an endless circle, and now, he feared, she was too in love to believe any of them.

_- - - _

Tonks gazed at her reflection in a window at the back of the bus. Small strands of blue clung to where her face was wet with finished tears. Her body felt uncomfortably numb - empty except for a hint of panic creeping at the back of her mind. _Something was wrong_. Since obtaining her license eight years ago, she had never failed to apparate until previously, there on the street with Remus.

She couldn't bear to walk the rest of the way home with him, not in her present state. If this was what love was like, it was far too painful. Internally, she had been a mess for weeks, but had managed to let it go unnoticed amongst her work with the Order. Now, the thought of losing her magical abilities, especially at this time of social unrest, made her terribly uneasy.

She stared, now quizzically, at her reflection, watching as her hair began to change of its own accord, the blue slowly fading into a dull chocolate colour - one that reminded her very much of the man she had left standing alone on an abandoned street, his eyes filled with a despair she could still picture vividly in her mind. Confused and angry, Tonks immediately concentrated on midnight blue once more, but... nothing. A sickening feeling began to grow in the pit of her stomach as she desperately tried in vain to change her hair, her nose, _anything_, eyes squeezed shut in frustration.

At long last she slumped, exhausted with effort, against the back of the seat. Fresh tears prickled at the corners of her eyes, and she didn't dare glance again at the window, knowing full well what she'd see: pale skin, dark twinkling eyes, and the mousy brown hair that stubbornly remained.

---

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